"I came here because I want to tell girls who are going through this that they can take a stand. I was a victim of domestic violence for 20 years. I thought I was enduring it all for my child, when it was precisely for him that I should have gotten out of the toxic relationship. I am past 60 and I am at peace with my life now, I realised, but at a great cost, that my trauma was also my child's. I thought I was standing up for him, but I was hurting him more. "
Mrs A.'s testimony began our meeting on domestic violence on 9 March 2024, from which came the disturbing stories of several other women who have been victims of domestic violence. Organised by the Rompro Social department, in collaboration with the Amsterdam Police, the event was an emotional one. We are glad that we were able to create a space where participants felt safe to share their heartbreaking stories and openly discuss this very difficult topic.
The three guests from the Amsterdam Police were keen to assure us of the support they offer to the Romanian community in the Netherlands in identifying and solving cases of domestic violence.
Cindy de Koning, special guest of this meeting, is netwerk specialist in Amsterdam and the Amstelland region, and nationally it is the image associated with the fight against domestic violence and sexual harassment. Cindy builds relationships with various groups and communities that are not connected to the police and, as the face of the fight against domestic violence and sexual harassment, brings these issues to their attention. Following the cases that came to her, the desire to call on the Rompro Foundation and guide us in forming a community of women who support each other was born.
Let's start at the beginning. What is domestic violence?
It is defined as violence committed by someone in the victim's inner circle, be it a partner, ex-partner, family members, relatives or family friends. Domestic violence can take many forms: physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological abuse. Abuse can affect anyone, regardless of race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender.
Despite campaigns to raise awareness and combat domestic violence, the statistics are worrying; in the Netherlands, every 8 days a woman dies because of domestic violence. These figures do not depend on age or culture.
33% of women who have been in a relationship have experienced abuse from an intimate partner during their adult lives! In total, 17 % experienced physical (including threats) or sexual abuse, while 32 % experienced psychological violence.
In an ideal world, these figures would not exist, but we are not in a utopia, we create this world as we live in our current reality. So it's up to each of us not to be indifferent.
What can you do if you are a victim of domestic violence?
Call 112
The police will approach the abuser about his behaviour. In some situations an interim protection order may be issued - the abuser can stay away from your home for a short time.
In serious cases, the police can arrange for the abuser to be charged.
To the police
You can go at any time, either to file a complaint (aangifte police report) or just to report the incident without pressing charges (aanmelden police report).
Contact Veilig Thuis
Free 0800-2000 number available 24 hours a day
Veilig Thuis is an organisation that provides counselling and support in cases of domestic violence and child abuse.
Set up a trusted network so you can get away from your abuser
It is difficult for a victim to get out of the environment in which violence occurs, which is why it often leads to the most serious situations, including death. There are cases when the victim does not have the means to support herself and is dependent on the perpetrator. In other cases, they have children and the offender behaves differently towards them. The victim may receive threats of losing children or certain benefits. In some cases, the abuser may accuse her of being all in her head, with the victim coming to doubt her own reality, memories, past events or thoughts - as in the form of emotional abuse or gaslighting.
A useful tip from the police is to create a safety plan, a trusted network: people around you to tell what you're going through. A really good friend you could take refuge with. A visit to your GP where you mention what has happened to you.
Testimony of one of the meeting participants, a victim of domestic violence
"The seminar was a wonderful meeting where I had a great time together with Cristina from Rompro, Cindy, Network specialist Amsterdam and the other ladies from the community with whom I could share my experience and felt listened to. I have been going through a very difficult time and this meeting was a "band-aid" for me. I learned about some groups dedicated to immigrant women in the Netherlands, which is very helpful. I was also able to listen to other stories of ladies who have gone through similar experiences. I'm glad that you have devoted time and interest to this sensitive topic. It is very difficult to come out of your shell and ask for help, but I wholeheartedly recommend all women who unfortunately face similar situations to have the courage to speak out. We are not alone, we have support. Thank you to Rompro."
We want you to feel confident in the Romanian community in the Netherlands and seek support. We remind you that, in addition to the above solutions, you can send messages to social@rompro.nl and also on our social media pages, where you can write anonymously.
Article by Alexandra Gogonea.
Alexandra is passionate about writing, travel and photography. She has been living in Amsterdam since 2020 with her family and decided to become a ROMPRO volunteer to give something back, after she in turn felt she had been given a helping hand when they moved to the Netherlands during the pandemic and the Romanian School was for a while the only interaction with other people.
